Who have a friend, have a treasure. And it is a universal truth, proven by hundreds of studies throughout the world and not only the protagonist of sayings like this.
However, let's face it, there are times that you maintain a friendship that does not bring you any benefit just because you have been in relationship for years. But is it doing you more harm than good? Or should you cut once and for all?
All relationships, also those of friendship, have a point in which the small particularities of the other cease to be invisible to become enormous defects impossible to ignore.
But it is not necessary to resort to defects to think that he or she has gone from being “your support, your joy, your accomplice” to becoming “That friend you are talking about”.
Anyway, if you were not sure, there are some keys to detect if yours still deserves a chance Or it is better to consider ending the relationship or, at least, giving your friend an ultimatum. Some of these situations I have experienced myself in person and they have helped me to get an idea of whether it was worth moving forward with the relationship, trying to flip or abandon forever.
1.- I was no longer happy when I was with him / her
The fundamental key to decide whether or not to break. And it may seem too dramatic, all black or white, but every time I spent an afternoon with my friend I returned home with a little worm in my stomach, with the feeling that I had not had a good time because she had passed all afternoon putting "buts" to everything and criticizing another friend we had in common.
And a friend who doesn't make you happy is not a friend. It's that simple. Friends are here to laugh, share, enjoy, have wonderful conversations that last forever, go to the movies and have tapas, not to argue and cry or spend the afternoon distraught.
2.- The world revolves around
The lottery of life says that at least once in your life you have crossed your path with someone who is very self-centered. For example, I have a friend who also has children, but her life is more complicated than mine. Because of the way she talks, I always have the impression that I don't understand how badly she is going through, how stressed she is, how much she needs to do (put here the activity of her choice) even if you don't feel like anything any. But is that I don't need it as much as she does…
Another friend who also has to remember my existence when he needs me for a job recommendation, to accompany him to an event or, I often die, to move. I'm thinking of avoiding as if they were the electricity bill.
3.- We see life in a different way
Maybe when we were fifteen and we just had to eat pipes all afternoon while the hormones made us laugh without stopping we got along. But now that we are adults, we have jobs, vital goals, families and responsibilities, we may be in different dimensions, even totally contrary.
And I've realized that share values and ideas, vital principles is important on many occasions and a cause of conflict if we do not. Politics, relationships, urbanity, sense of humor, etc. Anything can separate us.
4.- We are in different vital stages
Ok, maybe the previous point is not a problem and we share ideas and values, but in a moment of our life we separate and now we lead such different lives that we combine worse than the tracksuit and the heels. While my friend wants to go out all night to burn (sometimes, literally) the dance floors, I just want to leverage in a quiet place to slowly sip a wine of 30 euros a bottle and talk.
We all evolve and change and at each stage of our life we need different things. It is normal that this great girl, who contributed so much to me at the time of the university and who has been living mentally in her twenties, now I do not contribute as much as that mother with whom I agree in the park every afternoon.
5.- I can never count on your help / presence / attention
I am not a priority in your life not even my plans interest him enough to sacrifice his. And he gives me time and time again, he constantly delays "that coffee we owe ourselves" (they must be collecting it) and he never has time to call me because he is very crazy. So I have come to wonder that maybe I am not interested in my things and that I have been wasting time in this relationship for months.
6.- I am your tear cloth
Or worse, its punching ball. I had a friend so, so, so critical that when we parted I needed a day to get all the bad milk that had infected me out of my body and used to invent things that other friends said about me (checked). Another, however, just called me to give me bad news. She was a suffering whore and I never lived up to her sorrows, her own would have been given to write two Venezuelan soap operas.
Yes, there are people who enjoy conflict or drama and it is not always easy to realize that one is stuck in a toxic relationship or that his friend is a true emotional vampire.
In these cases my final conclusion is that it is better to be alone than to have to endure the bad roll of another constantly.
The only solution is to break?
No one better than you to decide whether or not to break up with any of your friends. Sometimes, although life has separated you, it is also important to value the past you share together and the understanding that you have, which goes far beyond words and gestures. There are many years that throwing overboard and negotiating, talking and trying to solve is a priori the first step.
While it is true that no one goes directly to a psychologist because they have problems with their friend, it is true that a bad relationship can be the germ of conflicts and other problems or sign that something is wrong. And that many times it is not worth wasting your time, involving your feelings or dedicating your thoughts to those people who are disappointing you all the time or leaving you in the lurch.
If you have sat down to think seriously and the "cons" are more than the "pros" it is much better to stop excuses and devote more time to those who contribute most to you in life, starting with yourself.
In Jared | 21 things 'Friends' taught us about friendship