Discover that another person also dislikes someone we can't stand It is extremely pleasant. He reaffirms us in something that, until that moment, we could have had doubts about being wrong. But what are the risks of getting carried away by this negative flow? How would it benefit us to turn the situation around and find the connection in speaking well of others?
We have sat with Olga Jordana, psychologist and researcher in the field of emotions and mental health, to explain it to us and has told us about five main benefits.
Every time we speak well of other people we are putting into practice skills related to emotional intelligence such as tolerance, respect, empathy and assertiveness.
This intelligence is an important piece of the many that make up the self-esteem.
Self-esteem is an abstract concept so the psychologist proposes to imagine her as a container similar to that used in the Trivial to store colored cheeses.
Among other "cheeses" that help us know how the mind is verbal and nonverbal communication, way of expressing emotional intelligence. Speak well of others reflects the presence of that piece necessary to build better self-esteem.
In the search for personal well-being we have to be aware of how we communicate and train what is most difficult for us to move forward, the expert tells us.
For some people it will be the smile, for others, strive not to speak with monosyllables ... Stop highlighting only the negative qualities of others It is an aspect that can also work. Also, introduce the habit of doing the same thing but with the positive things you have an effect when ordering the mind similar to smiling, something we will see in detail later.
We may think that not speaking well of others can be a tool to connect with someone who thinks as badly as we do about another person. However, we should be careful when letting ourselves go through this practice if we don't want to end up muddy in the mud of malrollism.
As the psychologist tells us, if we look at the facial expressions we adopt when we criticize, we will realize that they are gestures associated with disgust, sadness, rage… This is the reflection of the emotions that we are unleashing and spending a lot of time adopting them triggers a feedback effect in which bad feelings call for more negativity In a vicious circle.
However, it is not necessary to speak badly. Do the opposite It serves us perfectly as an instrument to achieve the same but with a healthy impact. The feedback effect works in both directions and the most direct proof is that, when we speak well of people, we laugh more and we adopt softer, sweet and affectionate expressions that are the reflection of those good feelings that we are letting flow.
Another proof of the importance of betting on the good vibes over the bad is found in facial feedback. It is a therapy in which, with smile sessions, it helps people who are going through a bad time to have a positive feeling automatically.
It may seem silly but, as the expert tells us, although at first the smile is false, the simple movement of the expression already activates the muscles of the face and triggers an explosion of neurotransmitters. This results in a instant feeling of well-being.
Is about a small high and to get it you just have to try to smile a little. Obviously, it is not a panacea and has its limitations when we talk, for example, about depression but the psychologist encourages us to try it in our day to day. Above all, when we are apathetic, it can work very well for us. strive to smile and highlight the qualities of others that we like to return to feel better about ourselves, others and the future.
In addition to well-being, speak well of others is linked to personal growth. When you smile naturally and say something good there are more possibilities for others to do the same. It's what is called the contagion effect.
This is something that people who work for the public know very well. Before an angry or aggressive customer, maintain a kind and calm posture makes, on many occasions, the client relaxes.
This happens because the brain associates the tone of voice and expressions of the person who answers with good words with something foreign to aggressiveness and a reassuring response is created That translates into rectifying and being friendlier.
As the psychologist indicates, this contagion effect also works within a group. When a person adopts a pleasant posture, it generates an affable environment that is transmitted and results in a sense of well-being throughout the group.
Talking well about others not only has positive effects on our well-being but also plays a fundamental role in survival, as the expert explains.
The human being is a Be social and, as such, one of the most important goals of our life is to fit in. This is very important from the evolutionary point of view because fitting into a group means being more likely to survive and that our vital needs are met more easily.
One method to get fit into a group is to speak well of its members. In fact, It is a concept that we learn from a very young age. Since we are babies, we know that to smile, to put on the faces of good children, to have manners and, in short, to be kind to others makes us get things we want.
We start getting them to give us that goody we want, after the teacher uploads the note and, as adults, convince the coach in an interview to give us the job we dream of. Things we could hardly get by a different route.
Beware of pleasing at all costs
However, not all are benefits. Like everything, you have to do it in moderation and don't cross the line that separates the be kind and enhance the positive feelings to create ties with others with the be false and hypocritical.
The psychologist tells us that, when our behavior is different from what we really think, a phenomenon occurs in psychology called cognitive dissonance. It is something that, on the one hand, has the function of helping us to renew and relearn many things. However, when we constantly do things we do not want, such as praise without feeling, cognitive dissonance it causes us an important malaise.
This discomfort many times is confused with anxiety and can lead to existential crises and have other consequences related to personal well-being.
Strive to show our best facet 24 hours, make the ball and focusing too much on things that maybe aren't really that important to us can be fatal to our mental health.
According to the expert, if we don't have any space where be able to be really a little every day Our mental health will worsen despite our goodwill.